Hey Nerds, I'm Back.

And when I say, "Hey nerds" I know I'm actually just talking to David Lechner. Way to be, man. You make me feel as if my words do have some weight. Or at least a little bit of meaning.

That boy is getting married, too. Which is terrifying. For me. I don't know about him (See "1 Comments" at the bottom of this post later in the week).

Marriage itself is terrifying. Actually the whole process, not even just the marriage part, is terrifying. From, "Hey, I kinda like you" to "I do" is a whole long, tedious process. I can't even begin to imagine all the stuff after, "You may kiss the bride". It's too much. My little mind and heart can't handle it. That's why I'm going to be single for quite sometime. I'll tell the ladies out there right now, flat out, that if you even have anywhere from an atom of feeling for me all the way to crazed obssession, you'll just have to wait. Wait 15 years, then when you find me in Bangladesh, New Delhi, Tibet, Okanawa, Rio De Janeiro, Seattle or wherever I happen to be, and you're still interested, then I just might say "Okay, yeah sure." Until then...I've got some things to do.

Speaking of terrifying things in life...full time jobs. Jobs you work at 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and include much fewer days of vacation than school. Yeah, tell me that's not terrifying. Doing the same dumb thing ALL THE TIME. No escape. Entrapment. I have just recently been hired on for a customer service/call center position. I've been in training from last Tuesday to Friday. I think I hate it. I need to get a job I enjoy, or go back to school and get my ESL certificate so I can leave this place and see the world. Or go back to school for something of worth. Any ideas?

I didn't really have anything to say, just wanted to kill some time and thought to update the ol' blog while I have internet access on the laptop. Take care readers (Dave). Sorry to have rushed this, but it is time for me to leave and attend other engagements.

Peace.

I Want To Start A Book Club

Now, this may sound like another one of those whims I so often have. And it kind of is, but let me assure you, I've put some thought into it. I've logged probably a total of ten minutes of thought into it. It's nerdy, and if anything, 45 year old women have book clubs and they read things like Jane Austen, or one of those new female writers who depicts life in such an honest way, what with all the abuse and madness of the world. Then the members eat chocolate, or make cookies, and serve lemonade or ice tea.

I won't have that.

I will have awesome books. None of this Oprah Winfrey stuff. The spectrum of literature I choose will be quite wide. And it will include zombies and space aliens. Along with the more high brow, philosophical gems.

And there will be of course tea. But I'm not talking about old English woman with cakes and biscuits served on a tray with earl grey and milk. We're drinking asian tea, out of pots crafted by the most skilled Chinese or Japanese artisans.

I say all of this, but in the end no one will be willing to join. In the end, it shall be me, alone in my room wearing a kimono, drinking hot sencha, reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, discussing the implications of the word quality, as it pertains to the objective and subjective, with a group of stuffed animals.

But, a man can dream...

The Sun Awaits For Our Emergence From Cave Of Gloom.

The first of June has finally arrived. We've rocketed through winter and spring to finally be...here. Summer (unofficially according to astronomical(?) standards. But it's freaking warm out there. Plus, bar-b-ques, screaming children, and open pools make it seem as though the season has arrived). A fantastic time of the year. Lot's of great memories. A couple of crappy ones sprinkled in there, but they can be easily dismissed. When summer comes, happy thoughts sprout from my brain. So in other words, I'm feeling good right now and the cloud of gloom that normally casts a shadow on me is beginning to disperse.

One of the greatest God given things (on the long list of things): Tea. I've been sipping double green matcha tea from Republic of Tea this morning. With a little bit of honey, it's quite possibly one of the best tasting beverages.

I'm off the coffee finally. I've stopped brewing three cups a day about a month and a half ago. I still have it from time to time when it's available at a friend's place. Trying to stop my intake of caffine completely, but a soda or a cup of coffee manages to enter my system every so often. If I didn't have friends I would probably be able to go cold turkey. Unfortunately, I know some very hospitable people who like coffee and offer it to their guests. Same goes for soda. Despite all that, even if I end up ceasing my dependence on caffinated products, I don't know what will happen. I may start to tweek out. I'll refuse to eat, and if I do I'll just vomit it back up. I won't be able to sleep at night. I'll just sit in a corner of my room, screaming...

I suppose I also need to comletely stop drinking black tea, if I'm wishing to achieve this goal. That probably won't happen.

I have to wash the cat today.

Well, I don't have to. But I offered. And because she's a stupid animal, and I would love to see her writhe in anguish as I scrub her dandruffed back with medicated shampoo. It's sadistic. But not many of you understand. This cat annoys me, and loves doing it. So, in a way, I'm getting her back while I perform a favor for her (and my dear mother) that she won't ever understand, even in the long run. Why? Because she's a dumb animal. Cats nor any other animal have that sort of perspective. She sleeps all day. She's sleeping right now. I should toss her in a bathtub of water right now and screw up her whole day. But I won't. She looks too cute right now. Freakin' cat.

Her persepective of reality and life itself is small, if existent at all. She sleeps. She gets fed. She goes outside to chase bugs. She poops in a box of scented sand. A very very very small world if you ask me. But you didn't, so I digress.

OR DO I? Look, doesn't anyone ever get mad at their pet? And when I say mad, I don't mean, "Lichtenstien! I can't believe you peed everywhere! My vintage He-man action figure collection is ruined!". No, I mean envious. A burning hatred of the easy going life those animals lead. Look at Annie (figuratively. I know she's not visible to you). She sleeps. Yet, she has all the benefits. She eats for free. She has free room and board. Free medical. Free spa/massage treatment. And she sleeps! And she will have all those benefits for the rest of her life. I sometimes think about putting her back out into the wild. Fend for herself. She'll die, you say? Too bad, she shouldn't have been so freaking lazy. I've tried to train her to be a vicious attack cat but with no avail.

Okay, now I digress. Now I shove that mangy animal underwater.

While Sitting In The Living Room Of My Parent's Home...

Hey friends.

I've decided to give it a shot and attempt at updating this thing more than once a month. Even if I don't really have much to say. Which, right now, I don't. But everybody's got something. If there is one thing show and tell taught me, everybody generally has something to either show or tell. Or both.

Like this scar on my foot from last year when a mysterious lump appeared, which after a few days after it's arrival, I poked it with a pin in the hopes it might be some sort of blister. I washed the pin first too. Didn't do a whole lot, because the lump became a larger, painful, puss filled purple blotch. Surgery happened so my toes wouldn't have to be surgically removed. Or fall off.

That made last year interesting. Along with losing my voice for a month in February and March, getting a good dose of poison ivy on my body, and a nasty ingrown toenail not too long after my foot finally fully healed from surgery.

Last year was interesting. I keep looking back and all the years that came before it. Events filled those years, from the fantastic to the, "I'm glad I'm here and not there" moments. This year, nearly five months, has been the year of "Not a whole lot". That's what I answer when people ask what I've been up to. It's getting to a point where I'm almost as ashamed to make that statement as I would be to make this one: "I'm 23 and I still wet the bed. Profusely".

I really want to say something about myself. I want to do something great, and I've been saying that for months, but with nothing to show. I still don't know what meaningful thing I want to accomplish. My self confidence is in about the same shape as my creativity.

"Aww look at them. They're just sleeping. Their flesh is also deteriorating, but they're just sleeping. They'll wake back up."

We'll see. And hope.

Sometimes when I listen to Dream Theater I can't help but think of MegaMan.

What? Mike, focus. Or go play with your Legos.

They should totally make Lego the movie. But I don't want it to be CGI. I want giant plastic Lego people walking around. Lego people probably have it easy. They lose a limb, all they have to do is pop it back on. Car breaks down, snap on new pieces. They don't need people working in trades. They all know how to build their own houses and cars. And spaceships. Heck, if a five year old could do it, then surely the people of Lego land could make their own homes and vehicles.

My wrist is cramping. I gotta give it a rest.

More blogging to come. So, keep an eye out or something.

Should I Give Up My Childhood and Move On?

Lately, I've had this frightening urge to get rid of the Super Nintendo. I say lately, but actually, come to think of it, I've had this feeling for several years now. Part of me says, "Mike, the 90's are long gone. Get over it, and walk forward, through the dark curtain of the future." Another part then says, "Mike, what joy will you have in this world when that console and all the games are gone? What if one day, a few months down the line, you want to play Super Mario All-Stars, or Dave comes into town but there's no TMNT IV: Turtles in Time? And your children, think about your children! You want to bring them up right, with a knowledge of a better time, forcing them to relive your childhood by watching Ren & Stimpy and The Adventures of Pete and Pete, and feed them Dunkaroos." Then the negative side says, "Mike, you're kids won't give a crap. These 3-dimensional HD graphics take sprite images and mash them until their nothing but juice. 16-bit graphics are dead, Michael. And you need to accept that. Plus, there will always be Zelda and Mario Kart. Just not...your idea of Zelda and Mario Kart."

The 16-bit age offered a lot of challenge. To be rather honest, I had (and actually still have) more difficulty playing old SNES games than these new PS3/Wii/XBox 360 games. Such as a little game called Super Ghouls and Ghosts. Probably one of the most difficult 16-bit games I ever invested time into. Never made it to the third level. Well, maybe once. But the game only had about 10 levels. That's it. No side missions. No online multiplayer. Didn't have to collect all the secret beans to get the ultimate sword. Yet, somehow, it provided hours of entertainment (and frustration). AND TETRIS! Incredibly simple concept. I put so much time into that game on the old big gray brick Gameboy (Pokemon and Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening also stole many hours of my life). SNES and Genesis were so simple. They had like 8 buttons, yet there was so much strategy and timing involved.

I do believe that we should give a nod to Wii for at least making the attempt to retrieve all that once was. Thank you for making playing cartridge games on a next gen game console possible.

Ah. And multiplayer used to be more intimate. There was a time when the person you were against would be sitting in the same room, no more than three feet from you. Now they can be hundreds of thousands of miles away. The internet has made a lot possible. You can play almost any game with anyone around the world. Only thing is, you can't slap the controller out of their hand as you're playing Mario Kart. Ah, childhood.

Okay, enough reminiscing. I feel like an old man. And I'm not.

You hang around a little longer Super Nintendo. The day you finally die will be the day I release you from servitude. Or more acurately, our friendship. We've had a good 16 years. I hope we can have 16 more.

And Who's That, Dead In A Corner?

The first post for May and we're more than half way through it. Okay, I keep lying to what devoted readers are left, promising that I will devote more time to the blog. No, it's a lie and a sham. Similar to my own life. I have nothing to write about. Creativity has been dead in a corner for the last two months, chained to a wall, with a horrific expression now solidified forever on his face thanks to rigor mortis. Flies buzz about his head as his shrivled corpse sits in his excrement. A sad sight.

And that's the truth. Whatever funny, witty things you want to come from me won't anymore. That's it. I just want to watch Deadliest Warrior until my eyes go from a nice moist, squishy ball form to a dried out, pruney, shrunken, depressed and defeated shapeless form. Not unlike my own soul.

No. That's not (entirely) true.

Look, if you come here a lot expecting something, then don't. I'll update when I want. I have a dead creativity in the corner. Show some respect.

In other news, although I said that humanity has really outdone itself with the cornbread crackers, it also showed me that we probably reached the end of the vine with our creative fruits (end of the line...end of the vine...get it? Nevermind. Forget it. There's no pleasing you.) I spent some time with my eyes focused on the TV a couple days ago. I don't remember what I was watching, something of absolutely no consequence, but during the commercials there was a preview. For a little summer film. For the kids of course, but that doesn't excuse anybody. See, this film was called, "Marmaduke". Now, you may remember the comic strip that is still, to my knowledge, syndicated in the paper. It featured a giant great Dane the size of a pony. The dog was way too big for it's own good, thus, antics ensue. Despite the emense animal featured as the central character, the comic was very small and typically only took one panel, almost in the same likeness as Family Circus. Except, Family Circus won't ever be turned into a full length feature film. Am I right Hollywood?

"We can't make any promises. We have a knack for taking all of your childhood dreams and destroying them on the silver screen in order to make a buck."

That's right. Well please don't make Family Circus into a movie, otherwise I may consider moving to India. If there's one thing I hate, it's Family Circus the strip. If there's another thing I hate, it's the idea I formulated in my head of the possibility of a full length Family Circus film. And one day, the third thing I'll hate is the fact that they really went through with it and made Family Circus into a full length feature film. Hopefully thereafter, the 2012 apocalypse will occur.

Anyway, I'm watching this preview. The movie is based somewhat on the strip, I guess. There's probably only so much story in the strip. Not enough to go on for an hour and a half. Unless you want an hour and a half of one liners. So they make this half real, half CGI talking dog voiced by Owen Wilson. There's kids. He goes to the park. He walks the little girl. He surfs. Just like any other great Dane. Oh, and George Lopez voices the cat. For good measure. Because George Lopez has been in many of cinema's great artistic achievements, such as "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" and "Valentine's Day".

So, given, after the preview my eyes bled, and I had horrible flashbacks of when I first saw the "Larry The Cable Guy Movie" preview.

Larry might be worse. Kids want to see talking dogs. Kids don't know better. As kids, we really didn't understand just how bad Batman and Robin featuring Arnold as Mr. Freeze was. So fine, kids can go see that movie, laugh at George Lopez, and hopefully reach the same truth as we did many years later.

Larry the Cable Guy is inexcusable. Kids don't really go see that. Adults do. They pay nine dollars for "Get 'r Done!"

Excuse me, while I now weep for humanity.

More to come. Stay tuned.

Orphans, Cornbread Crackers, Odd Jobs, Coffee Pee...And Well, That's About It.

It has recently been brought to my attention that it's been nearly a month since the blog has been updated. My sincerest apologies. This blog tends to slip my mind, or at least lies in the dusty back part of my brain. It's pretty much the orphan child no one wanted. But I will love it again and hopefully nourish it back to health because, let's be honest, the blog has become rather lame.

Well, I realized a few days ago that the human race has officially invented everything. Late one night last week, I went into the cabinet to pick out a flavor of tea to brew. The cabinet is located in the lower part of the island in the kitchen and inside there is a shelf that rolls out (this is where the tea is located, along with the pasta and popcorn). Just below this shelf is where my parents store their chips, crackers and various cooking oils (oh, and some maple syrup). So before I pull out the shelf I noticed a box of crackers labeled, "Cornbread Crackers". Curious, I open the box, take out a cracker, and eat it. As I'm chewing I'm thinking, "Holy crap...they did it. Those madmen finally did it. This little cracker actually tastes like cornbread." I was in shock. Now, I'm not a cornbread fanatic, but to put the authentic taste of cornbread into a thin little cracker is quite the achievement. Humanity, I salute you. As well as Archer Farms. The men and women who make up your business should also do something about cancer. If you can put the sweet, buttery taste of cornbread into crackers, surely you can find a cure to a devastating disease.

Also, I made it back to St. Louis Missouri. Although somewhat disappointed I didn't decide to stay in Idaho Falls just a bit longer, it does feel kind of good to be back home. For one, the weather is above 55 degrees, which is fantastic if you're ready for summer to be here (and I am). I was rather terrified when I came back because when I had left everything was still budding, and then a week later when I returned everything was green and flowering. Made me feel like I was gone a lot longer than I actually was...

Still looking for a job, but I've had opportunities doing odd jobs, such as last week when I helped Kurt Selzle (a realtor from church) clean up a house he is planning to sell. Lots of cleaning grime coated windows. Cleaning dust from the basement. Scrubbing floors on hands and feet. But Kurt was kind enough to pay me $10 an hour. So from 12-10:30pm I worked with him. Earned $105 and since spent some of that money for books on Amazon. Everytime there's a little cash, it goes to books. I have a problem, and I would like to talk about it.

I still drink a lot of coffee. Three cups a day, except today, I had a pot of green tea. Other than that, coffee every day. I don't know how to stop it. I think there was even a day when my pee smelled like coffee. You know you have a problem then, even if it doesn't actually smell like coffee. Either you drink sooo much your pee ACTUALLY smells like coffee, or you've gone completely mad and believe that, yes, even your wee wee smells like coffee. I'd almost prefer the former...

I started to ride my bike a lot more. The weather has been great too. Not too hot to where I can not breathe, and not too cold. And the sun has decided to shine nearly everyday. Thanks sun. I appreciate it.

I should probably carry a notebook around to list ideas so I don't forget them before I get to the blog. That's why you've been reading boring, ridiculous stuff the past ten minutes. I had a lot of great things to talk about. LOTS of great things. Believe me. But I procrastinated, and have since forgotten any and all of what I wanted to say. I apologize. The next blog will be a doozy.

DON'T ABANDON THE BLOG YET!!