"This can't go on all the time -- all this franticness and jumping around. We've got to go some place, find something."

Jack Kerouac wrote a few great books, and in those books, he had a few really good lines. Last summer I went to a used book shop about fifteen minutes from where I live to see what treasures were nestled amongst the stained and tattered classics (Thank God for second hand bookstores, by the way). I stumbled upon a copy of Jack Kerouac's claim to fame, On the Road. The summer before was when I first discovered Kerouac. Back then I was more so emersed into my vagabond dreams, so finding Kerouac was like finding a lost love. I picked up Dharma Bums skimmed a few pages, and realized this Kerouac fellow and I were going to get along nicely. Anyway, I found a lightly used copy of On the Road with some bends in the corners and some ink outlining the O of On. Nothing much, still in rather fine condition, and I only had to spend $6 rather than the $15 it was originally priced when it was new (See why second hand bookstores are fantastic?) Anyway, I grabbed it with a certain glee because I loved Dharma Bums and this book, On the Road, is his Stairway to Heaven to his Led Zeppelin, or his Star Wars to his George Lucas. If that made any sense.

So I spend some of the summer reading it (I have my hand in some other books at the time as well...which has become a habit since I've been in this English Major gig. It used to be sacrilege to me to start another book while I was reading another. Now I just don't care.) As I read it, I still have that childish mentality that comes with almost anyone who reads Kerouac: I want to leave and go west to, live off the road, no home, loose friendships, and a destination as uncertain as the Second Coming of Christ. That seemed to be the life for me, and that's why I read ol' Jack.

I finish the book sometime in October, and all the time I had spent reading it (And a commentary along with it called Why Kerouac Matters: Lessons from On the Road by John Leland) I tried to reconcile the true message of the book with that of my previous notions and wild, insane dreams. It couldn't be done. Truth is, the book isn't necessarily about being a vagabond, rucksack wanderer traveling from one place to the next with no end in sight; "We've got to find some place, find something."

I don't really know what prompted this post, or if this is really what I had originally intended when I signed into the site. All the same, I'll keep going. I've got this far.

Maybe what prompted this is the "franticness". Things have felt crazy the last month. Things have felt crazy for a long time. Such is life. For me, I don't see an end, a beginning, and part of me still wants to go on that big vagabond journey. There has to be some big to do in which I'm finally propelled from the nest. I'm waiting for it. Trying to find it. Maybe I've just read too many stories, like The Odyssey, The Hobbit, Neverwhere, Stardust, ect. ect., where the main character has to go on this great quest. Leave the home, prove himself (or herself...sorry ladies), grow, gather a broader understanding of the world around them, and come back changed. Then settle down. What's the end to every action movie (or almost every)? Love.

Here is the quote that I used in the title with a bit more context:
"'I want to marry a girl,' I told them, 'so I can rest my soul with her till we both get old. This can't go on all the time -- all this franticness and jumping around. We've got to go some place, find something.'"

Yeah. There's an end. Making a home and family is at the end. We take all we learned from the world and adventuring so we can know how to raise kids and take care of the wife.

Unfortunately, Kerouac didn't have this in his life. Sal Paradise, the literary representation of Kerouac in On the Road, made it to the end with someone to potentially settle down with. As a matter of fact he chooses her over Dean Moriarity, the character who pulls him onto the road, and not just once but several times. Sal makes the decision to finally rest his soul with Laura, and ceases the madness with Dean. Kerouac did find a girl, Joan Haverty, but this was very short lived and tragic. As a matter of fact the rest of his life was rather tragic, and in the introduction to his novel Desolation Angels Joyce Johnson writes, "'A quiet life' became his stated goal, but he couldn't imagine how to achieve it."

When I first read this, I laughed, as Phil and I have joked about "The Quiet Life" which seems to be exactly what Kerouac was aiming for: a life without a woman. After reading the intro to Desolation Angels I felt I would rather not take Jack's path. At times I really admire his free spirit, go wherever the road takes ya sort of attitude. Even the "Crap man, I don't need a woman" seems rational. But it only takes you so far. And you have to find home sometime.

Still, I don't know what I was getting at. I rambled for too long. In conclusion, I love Jack Kerouac and all of his Dharma bummin', beatnik novels. But there's a lesson to be learned, and I wish I could've said it in a more concise manner and a bit more poignatly, but this was the best I could do. Its 3:23 in the morning. Lay off.

But one day I've got to find my road. And then, hopefully, rest my soul with another soul who's willing.

Goodnight followers. I leave you with this:

"It was remarkable how Dean could go mad and then suddenly continue with his soul -- which I think is wrapped up in a fast car, a coast to reach, and a woman at the end of the road -- calmly and sanely as though nothing had happened" - Once again, from Kerouac's On the Road