Time Travel at Normal Speed.

Well, I don't know what brought you to do it, but you wound up back here.  I appreciate it.  It makes me think, "Oh man, I am really cool and some people think I'm both funny and a genius."  Some people in this life don't really get to feel that way.  Unless he/she is really pretentious and in love with him/herself.  Which, the case still may be that deep down inside he/she actually feels inadequate and needs to make up for that by pretending to be funny and a genius.  I don't know.  I'm not a psychologist.

I'm not a lot of things.  Have you figured that one out yet?  Right, of course you have.  Right now I'm a guy in his fuzzy pajama-jam pants and t-shirt, drinking Sakura Allure green tea (one of the new installments to the Teavana selection), and listening to Dredg's "The Pariah, The Parrot, The Delusion".  Comfy day after Halloween.

Unsure of what to post this week, but I had a few ideas.  Let's roll with one of them.

Now, as some of you may or may not know, I was once a fat kid.  That thing to the left?  Fat kid.  Fourteen years old.  Spring of eighth grade, 2001.  As you can tell, I wasn't really socially conscious, either, which didn't really help my weak, adolescent self-esteem, which I can go more in depth on another time with both funny and scarring anecdotes.  And my looks?  I don't even think the 90's would've allowed it (and they did allow a lot).  First of all, I'm wearing a ridiculous early 90's Hawaiian shirt ("But Michael, how do you know it's from the early 90's?" "Because It was once my father's and he got it when we went to Hawaii in 1991.  I wore it back then because I thought Hawaiian shirts were 'in'").  I also had quite the bowl cut for many years.  Glance over to exhibit B.

                                         Exhibit B.
(The only way you can make this cuter is if you were to staple new born kittens to this child.)

Yeah, ever since I was a tot I was graced with a golden bowl atop my crown.  And pinchable cheeks.  Which, however you look at it, could be a blessing, or something you wish you could do away with altogether so that people wouldn't think your six years younger than you are (See "How I Spend My October" for an in depth explanation). 

The point of all of this being is that, yesterday morning, at about 7 am Central Standard Time, I registered myself for the GO! St. Louis Marathon, something I've been anticipating to accomplish for about a year.  Now, as you may remember, loyal followers, I did mention in "Going the Extra Mile" that this is one of my life goals.  After I realized a year ago that I can run more than a couple miles at one time, I figured I could continue to add on the miles.  A marathon will just be a very drawn out, two mile run.  I'm excited, but mostly terrified.  I may or may not die.  This may be the last thing I accomplish in life.  If this is so, speak with Phillip Freeman.  He knows best on how to prepare my funeral.  There will be a cake and everything.

But in all seriousness, I'm really excited about training and actually going through with it.  A lot of the things I actually accomplished in my life that were notable I was pressured into doing.  Maybe pressured isn't the right word, but I was coaxed to accomplish certain goals that weren't necessarily completely my own.  This goal, though, is mine.  No one told me to do it.  I'm completely choosing to do it, and the reward from that feels even more special.  Then again, perhaps that smiling fat kid in picture one is actually telling me to do it.  "You've got this far.  You've rearranged yourself so that you'll never be this again.  Keep going.  Keep growing."  He probably doesn't care.  If he were here to speak with me he would ask, "Sooo...do you get a lot of girls now?"  I would then sit him down and fill him in on a lot of things.  Not just girls, but his future and my past in general.  But mostly about women.  I need to prepare him for the things that are about to happen to him.

Now, you take all of what I said, think about it for a half hour, then just forget about it and move on with life like you normally do.  But remember!  Be back here next week.  Surely there will be more luscious word gold to wade through.

Until then.

Going The Extra Mile

As soon as I welcome South Korea, they don't even bother to come on to the site again to look at their personal welcome. Come on, South Korea! I know I didn't stay up all night putting together this amazing welcome, but I at least considered you in my writings! You should be so proud and fulfilled. First it's me. My last name is Lee. I'm pretty much Korean anyway (except for that part where all of my ancestors came from Western Europe, the makers of measles and colonialism). And second, I love you guys. Really, I do.

But, I'm not completely abandoned. Another country has made a number of visits this week. And that country is...

CHINA!!

Yes, the will-be Successor in the global market (least, that's what I've been hearing all these years) has actually put forth the effort to visit my site. So, in this installment of "Revenge of the Living Blog" I give a big, WARM welcome to our Chinese pals. Thanks China for giving up your time to read some crazy American's blog. I really appreciate it. Keep it up too. It'll get really interesting here on the blog, I promise. Also, Happy New Year! Year of the Rabbit. I'm sure it will be a good one. I'll eat a lot of vegetables, hop around, and when an animal or human sees me I'll remain perfectly still with my eyes wide open and nose twitching in an effort to celebrate properly.

And South Korea...you can scroll down to see your welcome. If you wanna come back to the blog. Whatever. I don't care either way.

Recently I started training for a half-marathon. I officially started training little over a month ago right after I registered. It cost $85 to register. I know I was entering late, but that's a lot of money to run for a couple hours. I mean, I obviously didn't have too many qualms with the price since I paid for it in full. But I better get a couple bottles of free Gatorade and a really rad shirt. One that's neon blue with a cartoon sun wearing hot pink sunglasses doing a thumbs up. Then just below this cartoon sun it says, "Way to go, dude!" If I don't get that, this whole endeavour is going to be a complete waste. COMPLETE...

This half marathon I'm participating in is of course leading up to one of my life goals, to fully run a whole marathon without stopping. It would be a big deal to me, especially since there was a time in my life when I was fat and tried to do sports. 12-14 was the era of "chubby". Dark, awkward days those were. I had a bowl cut, which my mother cut WITHOUT a bowl (she's a skilled artisan. She doesn't need a straight edge. Her eye is a straight edge. In Apocalypse Now when Marlon Brando talks about a dream with a slug crawling across the edge of a straight razor, he actually speaks of my mother's eye. A slug crawls across her eye without being cut). My cheeks puffed out. My face and belly were very round. Yet, when I was 11 and 12 I participated in Cross Country. Becoming winded very quickly and the force of my belly weighing down my little 4'8 (approximately) body didn't stop me from running with the big leaguers. I was an athlete. I may have come dead last each time I competed, but I FINISHED.

So now that I'm older, taller, and drink less Dr. Peppers a day, I feel like I owe it to the little pudgy fellow of my past to finish a marathon. He put forth his all even thought he didn't have much and for that I thank you. You brought us half-way little buddy, and I'm going to finish for us the race.

Monday I did about six miles without too much trouble. I'm hoping to do at least six or more today. I have to be able to do about 13 miles by April 10th. Pray me some prayers.

That's all I've got. China, once again thanks for visiting. Hopefully we can get together sometime, drink oolong tea. I've got some yixing tea pots, maybe I could come over and stay for a few months. Bike across your beautiful country side, eat some great food, drink some fantastic tea. It'd be great. Hit me up sometime when you've got the chance.

Korea, you can come too.

Peace.