While Sitting In The Living Room Of My Parent's Home...

Hey friends.

I've decided to give it a shot and attempt at updating this thing more than once a month. Even if I don't really have much to say. Which, right now, I don't. But everybody's got something. If there is one thing show and tell taught me, everybody generally has something to either show or tell. Or both.

Like this scar on my foot from last year when a mysterious lump appeared, which after a few days after it's arrival, I poked it with a pin in the hopes it might be some sort of blister. I washed the pin first too. Didn't do a whole lot, because the lump became a larger, painful, puss filled purple blotch. Surgery happened so my toes wouldn't have to be surgically removed. Or fall off.

That made last year interesting. Along with losing my voice for a month in February and March, getting a good dose of poison ivy on my body, and a nasty ingrown toenail not too long after my foot finally fully healed from surgery.

Last year was interesting. I keep looking back and all the years that came before it. Events filled those years, from the fantastic to the, "I'm glad I'm here and not there" moments. This year, nearly five months, has been the year of "Not a whole lot". That's what I answer when people ask what I've been up to. It's getting to a point where I'm almost as ashamed to make that statement as I would be to make this one: "I'm 23 and I still wet the bed. Profusely".

I really want to say something about myself. I want to do something great, and I've been saying that for months, but with nothing to show. I still don't know what meaningful thing I want to accomplish. My self confidence is in about the same shape as my creativity.

"Aww look at them. They're just sleeping. Their flesh is also deteriorating, but they're just sleeping. They'll wake back up."

We'll see. And hope.

Sometimes when I listen to Dream Theater I can't help but think of MegaMan.

What? Mike, focus. Or go play with your Legos.

They should totally make Lego the movie. But I don't want it to be CGI. I want giant plastic Lego people walking around. Lego people probably have it easy. They lose a limb, all they have to do is pop it back on. Car breaks down, snap on new pieces. They don't need people working in trades. They all know how to build their own houses and cars. And spaceships. Heck, if a five year old could do it, then surely the people of Lego land could make their own homes and vehicles.

My wrist is cramping. I gotta give it a rest.

More blogging to come. So, keep an eye out or something.

Should I Give Up My Childhood and Move On?

Lately, I've had this frightening urge to get rid of the Super Nintendo. I say lately, but actually, come to think of it, I've had this feeling for several years now. Part of me says, "Mike, the 90's are long gone. Get over it, and walk forward, through the dark curtain of the future." Another part then says, "Mike, what joy will you have in this world when that console and all the games are gone? What if one day, a few months down the line, you want to play Super Mario All-Stars, or Dave comes into town but there's no TMNT IV: Turtles in Time? And your children, think about your children! You want to bring them up right, with a knowledge of a better time, forcing them to relive your childhood by watching Ren & Stimpy and The Adventures of Pete and Pete, and feed them Dunkaroos." Then the negative side says, "Mike, you're kids won't give a crap. These 3-dimensional HD graphics take sprite images and mash them until their nothing but juice. 16-bit graphics are dead, Michael. And you need to accept that. Plus, there will always be Zelda and Mario Kart. Just not...your idea of Zelda and Mario Kart."

The 16-bit age offered a lot of challenge. To be rather honest, I had (and actually still have) more difficulty playing old SNES games than these new PS3/Wii/XBox 360 games. Such as a little game called Super Ghouls and Ghosts. Probably one of the most difficult 16-bit games I ever invested time into. Never made it to the third level. Well, maybe once. But the game only had about 10 levels. That's it. No side missions. No online multiplayer. Didn't have to collect all the secret beans to get the ultimate sword. Yet, somehow, it provided hours of entertainment (and frustration). AND TETRIS! Incredibly simple concept. I put so much time into that game on the old big gray brick Gameboy (Pokemon and Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening also stole many hours of my life). SNES and Genesis were so simple. They had like 8 buttons, yet there was so much strategy and timing involved.

I do believe that we should give a nod to Wii for at least making the attempt to retrieve all that once was. Thank you for making playing cartridge games on a next gen game console possible.

Ah. And multiplayer used to be more intimate. There was a time when the person you were against would be sitting in the same room, no more than three feet from you. Now they can be hundreds of thousands of miles away. The internet has made a lot possible. You can play almost any game with anyone around the world. Only thing is, you can't slap the controller out of their hand as you're playing Mario Kart. Ah, childhood.

Okay, enough reminiscing. I feel like an old man. And I'm not.

You hang around a little longer Super Nintendo. The day you finally die will be the day I release you from servitude. Or more acurately, our friendship. We've had a good 16 years. I hope we can have 16 more.

And Who's That, Dead In A Corner?

The first post for May and we're more than half way through it. Okay, I keep lying to what devoted readers are left, promising that I will devote more time to the blog. No, it's a lie and a sham. Similar to my own life. I have nothing to write about. Creativity has been dead in a corner for the last two months, chained to a wall, with a horrific expression now solidified forever on his face thanks to rigor mortis. Flies buzz about his head as his shrivled corpse sits in his excrement. A sad sight.

And that's the truth. Whatever funny, witty things you want to come from me won't anymore. That's it. I just want to watch Deadliest Warrior until my eyes go from a nice moist, squishy ball form to a dried out, pruney, shrunken, depressed and defeated shapeless form. Not unlike my own soul.

No. That's not (entirely) true.

Look, if you come here a lot expecting something, then don't. I'll update when I want. I have a dead creativity in the corner. Show some respect.

In other news, although I said that humanity has really outdone itself with the cornbread crackers, it also showed me that we probably reached the end of the vine with our creative fruits (end of the line...end of the vine...get it? Nevermind. Forget it. There's no pleasing you.) I spent some time with my eyes focused on the TV a couple days ago. I don't remember what I was watching, something of absolutely no consequence, but during the commercials there was a preview. For a little summer film. For the kids of course, but that doesn't excuse anybody. See, this film was called, "Marmaduke". Now, you may remember the comic strip that is still, to my knowledge, syndicated in the paper. It featured a giant great Dane the size of a pony. The dog was way too big for it's own good, thus, antics ensue. Despite the emense animal featured as the central character, the comic was very small and typically only took one panel, almost in the same likeness as Family Circus. Except, Family Circus won't ever be turned into a full length feature film. Am I right Hollywood?

"We can't make any promises. We have a knack for taking all of your childhood dreams and destroying them on the silver screen in order to make a buck."

That's right. Well please don't make Family Circus into a movie, otherwise I may consider moving to India. If there's one thing I hate, it's Family Circus the strip. If there's another thing I hate, it's the idea I formulated in my head of the possibility of a full length Family Circus film. And one day, the third thing I'll hate is the fact that they really went through with it and made Family Circus into a full length feature film. Hopefully thereafter, the 2012 apocalypse will occur.

Anyway, I'm watching this preview. The movie is based somewhat on the strip, I guess. There's probably only so much story in the strip. Not enough to go on for an hour and a half. Unless you want an hour and a half of one liners. So they make this half real, half CGI talking dog voiced by Owen Wilson. There's kids. He goes to the park. He walks the little girl. He surfs. Just like any other great Dane. Oh, and George Lopez voices the cat. For good measure. Because George Lopez has been in many of cinema's great artistic achievements, such as "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" and "Valentine's Day".

So, given, after the preview my eyes bled, and I had horrible flashbacks of when I first saw the "Larry The Cable Guy Movie" preview.

Larry might be worse. Kids want to see talking dogs. Kids don't know better. As kids, we really didn't understand just how bad Batman and Robin featuring Arnold as Mr. Freeze was. So fine, kids can go see that movie, laugh at George Lopez, and hopefully reach the same truth as we did many years later.

Larry the Cable Guy is inexcusable. Kids don't really go see that. Adults do. They pay nine dollars for "Get 'r Done!"

Excuse me, while I now weep for humanity.

More to come. Stay tuned.