Pulling Weeds

Over the last week or two, St. Louis received a fair dumping of snow along with highs in the single digits and lows sinking well below zero. It has made me yearn for springtime. Once February rolls around, I'm over winter. Really, I'm over winter immediately after the holidays are over. The holidays make it bearable, but once it's all over, there's not much else. It's painfully cold and depressingly gray for another two months. February is the worst, however. While it may be the shortest month, it's also the month that really doubles down on the winter weather here in St. Louis. So, when March arrives, I welcome it with outstretched arms. Also, I'm beginning to take a liking to spring as the years go on. Growing up, summer was always the best. Long days and no school. That was really what made it special, but there's so much I could list that made me love summer (and still do). Fall was always great, too. I developed more of an appreciation of it as I grew older. I liked the colors, the smells, the weather cooling off without turning cold, and, once I reached a certain age, the taste of a Schlafly Pumpkin Ale (the best pumpkin ale in my opinion). Spring, however, has become a wonderful time to me. I was married in spring, my daughter was born in spring. Winter and all it's grayness is fading away. The air gets warmer, the days get longer, and I know that summer is just around the corner. 

Why am I talking about all this? Why ramble on about seasons? Because, even though it's been colder than Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell, the temperatures are rising back to warmth. I know that February is fading and with it winter. March is almost here. Now, there have been years past where there's snow in March and even in April here in St. Louis, but...I'm holding onto hope. So with those rising temps I'm already thinking about the garden. Building it back up and planting new plants. There's a lot of work ahead after the threat of cold is over, but I'm excited to get back out there. It was a little something to do and I miss it. 

With the thinking and the planning, I've also thought about last year when I made those beds into a thriving little garden of herbs, tomatoes, and peppers. It took time, and it was about this time last year I bought a shovel and hand spade to clear out the dead weeds. Many of the weeds were easy to pull out. Grab and tug. Easy enough. But, there was this "tree" thing that was less than simple to remove. Now, I have no idea what it was, but I see these little guys sprout up in my flower beds from time to time. They seem harmless enough at first. If I catch them early enough, I can use the ol' "grab and tug" technique and pull them out. If they get any bigger than a sprout, that's when the real struggle begins. See, these things grow nasty, deep root systems and if I let them go long enough, they become a nightmare to pull up, even if the plant above is seemingly small.

So, there was one in particular that had made it's residence for...quite some time. It had grown into a fairly large plant. And I had trimmed it a few times the first couple summers we were here, but I couldn't just do that. As long as that root is there, it'll grow right back, unfazed by trimming it or even cutting it down. So, I knew I would have to dig down deep and get at the roots. I took my shovel and small pruning shears, and...went to work. 

Of all the weed pulling I did on that fairly warm, sunny day in late February, this guy took the most time. I started digging, and realized this guy had a deep and intricate root system with thick roots, and I mean THICK. So thick in fact that I had mistaken one long, bright yellow root at first as some sort of cable or pipeline. And that was just one. So I dug, and snipped, and pulled, and dug some more. Finally, after who knows how long, I snipped enough of this "bulb" looking main root where the main stem was attached that I was able to remove it completely. The other roots that stemmed off it...well, most went very deep and with a wide radius. At that point I didn't have the time or energy left to really dig out everything. But that main root, the massive shoot of whatever weed this was, was finally removed. It felt like removing a cancerous tumour. I dumped it into the yard waste bin then covered the hole, satisfied with the work I had done. Since then, I have not seen the tree or any sprouts. I think I pulled out the main hub of the plant and it couldn't, at the very least, grow back.

I tell this story because, as I've done for the last year, I've been thinking a lot. I think about the emotions I've felt and worked through this last year. I think about friendships that changed, or dissolved, or that have generally hurt and disappointed me. I think about disappointments with job prospects, having to be the one who always tries to reach out and get any sort of response or feedback, positive or negative. I think about times when I get annoyed with my wife, or frustrated with my daughter because all of these external stressors that have made me less patient and gracious. At times, I don't want to give the same love or respect back to others because they haven't done the same for me. I don't feel like I owe it. Yet, that is not at all the right response. It's a reactionary response, and an emotional one. A response that is more "eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth". One that is less mature and lacks any sort of self control. 

About December I hit a breaking point. I was tired, and not a "I'm sleepy" sort of tired. A deep tired, as I have described it to some people. An exhaustion of mind and spirit. A tired and broken heart. It was like having a fresh wound, a deep gouge, and every time a breeze would blow, the wound would sting. In any other circumstance, I would easily forgive small, trivial instances of uncourteous behavior. But having that wound, made those instances all the more irritating and painful. 

After breaking and hitting that wall, I thought about my garden. I thought about that warm day last year at the end of February. I remember pulling, digging, cutting and fighting with that weed. It was large. It was deep. It was unchecked for a few years. It's like the anger. It's like the hurt. I allowed for my hurt, my annoyance, my frustration to dwell here in my being. I made it acceptable to live here. Now I realize, in order to plant a garden, I need to get down on my hands and knees and rip it out of the ground. I need to hack and slash to pull it out so good things, fruitful things, can grow here again. 

Thinking all this made me realize that the only thing we are truly responsible for and can honestly work on with honest hard work is our own gardens. We choose what grows there, not someone else and their actions. We choose whether or not to pull the weeds. We choose what flowers, what vegetables, what fruits grow there. There will always be weeds, that is a fact. After I planted and spring was in full throttle, weeds came. Little weeds, and they were easy to pull up. Along with pulling weeds, we need to water. Rain and weather we cannot control. But we can fill a watering can and give our plants a drink. We can control the soil, add compost and fertilizer. This metaphor can go on and on, honestly, but I believe the point has been made. We cannot control weather, weeds, or pests. We also cannot control what our neighbor does with their garden. We can only choose what to do with our garden.

Now, I say all of this but that doesn't mean I'm completely enlightened and have pulled all the weeds out of my metaphorical garden. Far from it. Right now, I simply realize that the garden is overgrown with nasty weeds and has been for some time. Weeds with roots that dive deep into the soil. Weeds that cannot be simply pulled, but rather need to be dug and cut out. There's a lot of changes in my way of thinking I need to make. Changes in my attitude. A few hard conversations I will inevitably need to have so that my garden can thrive again. The day will eventually come when the garden will be cleared and the plants will be watered and pruned.

With that, I encourage you all to do the same. Be thankful. Remember to tend to your own garden for your own wellbeing. You cannot control everyone or every circumstance, but you can control yourself and your response, which may end up being influential. 

Gardening, My New Hobby: Cultivating Peace and Fond Memories During a Time of Global Unrest

 At the start of this year I decided to try my hand at gardening. There were a few reasons for this decision. For one, there are two garden beds beside our house which remained untamed over the first couple years we lived here. I did little to maintain it, so for the summer seasons of 2018 and 2019 they were both overgrown with weeds of all kinds. It was almost like one of those vacant lots you see while driving, or the "Prairie Restorations/Preserves". So last winter I decided to clear out both beds and make use of them, as they were intended. My other reason was I had an urge to grow and make my own things. I had this fleeting thought years ago of raising an herb garden. My thought was to plant herbs which I would later use in herbal teas, so lavender, mint, lemon grass, chamomile, etc. This never came to fruition. Another reason was, I felt like I needed a hobby, but one that's productive. What's more productive than having a garden? It also seemed fairly simple. I could learn a new language, yes, but I could also just dig around in dirt, place seeds or plants into the ground, and watch'em go. I also watched my dad grow peppers and herbs years ago to use in cooking and to make his own salsa, which I guess also falls under the "grow and make my own things" reasoning. Lastly, of the plants I wanted to grow, I wanted to grow tomatoes. I felt like they were easy enough to handle, but I have a memory of my Uncle Rex going on about how tomatoes grown in Missouri soil were the best he ever tasted. Personally, I have never really cared too much for tomatoes, but wanted to make my mild skepticism into belief. 

First thing I did, back in February, was I borrowed some books from the library. They were helpful to get an idea of what I would need, provided the difficulty of each kind of plant, and helped me craft a rough plan for the project. My plan was simple as far as "what to grow". I was going to grow herbs like cilantro, basil, thyme, dill and oregano in one bed; my other bed would have tomatoes and peppers. With that in mind, I was ready to clear things out and till the earth. I bought simple tools at first such as a shovel and a spade. I went to work clearing out the beds. One had this deep rooted tree-like weed which took a majority of my time and effort. A gnarly thing that I had to dig in deep to uproot. With some hacking and snipping I was able to get it with a hand saw and hand trimmers. Once the beds were cleared, it was time to get the garden in shape, but since it wasn't spring yet and we still had a while before the anticipated last frost of the season, I decided to wait. 

And wait I did. Time went on. COVID came and made it's home. I was furloughed from my job during this time in April. I spent time looking at some YouTube videos so I could plan my work (Gary Pilarchik - The Rusted Garden was probably the most helpful with his video on starting your beginner garden, in case you decide to do the same). I made a list of supplies and headed over to Home Depot. I bought a couple bags of garden soil and fertilizer. I bought some seeds for my herbs, but planned to get transplants for tomatoes and peppers. None to be found, so I headed over to a nursery I knew of near our house. Near as I could tell, not a lot of what I was looking for, unless I was looking for more landscaping items. I went to another nursery, also very near our house, and they had a wonderful selection of plants. I bought two grape tomato plants, one regular run-of-the-mill tomato plant, green pepper, jalapeno pepper, chili pepper, cayenne pepper and a lavender plant (for the herb garden). I bought a few stakes and then took everything back to the house to get started. 

I remember it was a great day - sunny, blue skies, warm. I started breaking up the dirt in the beds with the shovel then poured a bag of garden soil in each and mixed it in. For the seeds, I put them just under the soil and mixed around some fertilizer. For the plants, I dug a small hole, mixed in fertilizer and set the little guys in. I set up the stakes next to them some support as they grew. Gave them all a good shower of water and...well, let them go. 

When I did all of that it was around April 18th or so. It was slow going for a long time. Every morning, during the time my daughter took her nap, I would go out through our walk-out in our basement and go to the side of the house to take a look. This morning visit would occur nearly every day until roughly a month ago. Honestly, the pepper plants looked worse for wear at first. The poor cayenne pepper plant I planted at the very end of the bed looked ragged for a while. He would get the first and last bit of sun every day, but it didn't look like it helped much for a long time. I also snipped the tops of the pepper plants when they were still small, a tip I learned online to help pepper plants grow bushier and with more peppers (which worked over time). Time went on. April became May which soon brought us all to June. My plants were getting bigger (the grape tomato plants shooting up like a weed). The plants were finally starting to flower. Then, one morning in early June, I stepped outside to do my morning check and found something which made me involuntarily and audibly gasp: a single, tiny, green tomato. Yellow flowers had been budding and blooming for a couple weeks, but this, THIS was a sign that I was doing things right. It still took a while for that little tomato to grow and ripen, but seeing it for the first time was exciting. From then on, the plants went crazy, both in growth and production. My first venture in gardening was turning into a success. 

The summer went on. I had loads of grape tomatoes. I had numerous regular tomatoes. And the amount of cayenne peppers my little cayenne plant was producing! Everybody was doing pretty well...except my herbs on the other side of the AC unit. The cilantro slowly but surely sprang up. The lavender I planted from a transplant was doing well. As for the dill, oregano, basil and thyme seeds I planted...no shows. Nothing at all. To make up for it, a cherry tomato plant sprouted right out of the ground beside the lavender. Over time it became overwhelming, growing faster than the other tomato plants which I purposely planted. It too produced loads of cherry tomatoes. 

Over the summer I harvested and used a lot. The fresh cilantro was used for a pork chop marinade and a batch of salsa I made. The lavender buds I used for hot tea. The grape and cherry tomatoes were used mostly as a snack (and mostly for my daughter, who luckily enjoyed them a lot). I gave many plastic bags fit to burst to family and friends. The regular tomatoes were used for burgers, BLTs, salsa and, well, just plain eating. The jalapenos I threw into salsa and some omelets. The chili pepper plant...was interesting. It grew large and bushy, but its problem was the flowers. For most of the season, the white flowers would die and fall off. Only a couple produced chili peppers. It wasn't until I trimmed it down considerably that it came back and produced numerous peppers, but by then the season was nearing the end (which was about September/October). The cayenne, however, became a wild bush filled with peppers. They would ripen to a bright red and I would harvest them a few at a time (only a handful seemed to ripen on the vine at once). With those, I tried my hand at producing hot sauce. It was a bit of trial and error at first, and I required the collective knowledge of YouTube yet again. After a couple tries I got it down. I probably made 5 or so batches of hot sauce over the last 4 or 5 months. It was used for hot wings a couple times, but mostly to put on eggs an mexican food. My last batch of peppers I harvested before the plant died I actually smoked on my grill, along with several chili peppers. That sauce has probably been the best. 

Overall, the attempt at gardening was a success. Sure, a few herbs didn't grow, but I wasn't broken up about it. I still got a lot of produce from my plants, and nothing beats the feeling of picking something fresh and bringing it into your kitchen. Some of my favorite memories though, are going out each morning and examining the plants. There were mornings I spent twenty to thirty minutes pruning and taking care of the plants which brought a sort of Zen peace I guess. Through everything that's going on, I needed that. I needed that quiet, that focus on nature. Then there were the mornings after it had rained. The crickets chirped and the air felt cool. I would grasp a grape tomato covered in rain water and pluck it off the vine. I put it in my mouth and it seemed sweeter and juicier than any store bought grape tomato I had eaten. 

Another memory I enjoyed was sharing the garden with my wife and daughter. With my daughter, we would go out in the backyard and play. She would trot over to the side and look at the plants, wanting to tug and pull at them. She always managed to pull off unripe grape and cherry tomatoes. I tried to teach her only take the red ones. I would pull off some that she couldn't reach and hand to her. She would munch on as many as she could get, or at least as many as I would allow. Her mouth and the top of her shirt covered in tomato juice. 

The garden is of course gone for this year. A night that dipped below freezing earlier in the month killed off pretty much everything. The lavender is hanging in there though. I anticipate building raised beds and possibly making it a little larger next year. Would love to grow cayenne peppers again and make hot sauce. I'm a little bummed the sauce I have now is the last batch.  Just need to make it last.

And to answer your thought - Yes, this skeptic, who once didn't even care for tomatoes, now believes that Missouri soil can produce some of the juiciest and sweetest tomatoes.

For those interested, I did post some garden photos earlier in the summer on my Instagram @AllTheMadOnes. I have others which I still have on my phone and I may post later as a sort of recap.