Why Is It Called October? Does That Mean Eight "Bers"? What's a "Ber"?

I came home after work today to a weird smell.  It was everywhere in the house.  I knew it had to be coming from the kitchen, but even as I walked down the hallway toward my room the smell was still strong, clutching onto dear life to my nosehair-smell-receptors, or whatever you call those things that make the brain think it's smelling (I'm not a biologist.  Leave me alone).  Well, as it turns out, the smell was that of my father making deviled eggs, something I've never been into, and something he's made maybe three times since we've known one another (which is nearly 25 years).  That's when I think to myself, "Ah, that's why the entire house smells faintly of farts".  But not offensive farts mind you, like dainty farts, ones you can deal with for a little bit, but if they linger too long it becomes rather unpleasant.  These were hanging around for too long.  So I grabbed six sticks of incense.  So far I think I've made a big push in the smell war.  My room has a force field of incense, and when I went to the bathroom down the hall to throw some garbage away I noticed my incense smoke there too.  Success.

Hi everyone!  How's everyone's week so far?  You say it's only Monday?  You say it's Columbus Day?

....

COLUMBUS DAY???!!

My goodness, I nearly forgot!  I suppose there's still time to buy my Columbus Day gift (a nose hair trimmer, a bag of raisins, a copy of the Constitution, and hand sanitizer, wrapped neatly and placed in a hand made basket, then set on a stranger's doorstep).  Have the children already had their Columbus Day activities?  You know, "Bag the Raccoon"?  I remember some good times with "Bag the Raccoon".  Oh! And "Mayo Slosh".  Precious memories.

But seriously, I never really understood Columbus Day.  My parents were always off because it's always been some sort of "government holiday".  Preposterous.  Some Portugese, Spanish guy happened to show up in the Carribean and ruined the lives of millions of Native Americans for something like 400 years.  "Hey, white people, check out these weirdos!"  Dude didn't even show up in the States.  And school never gave us the day off.  All my life, never had Columbus day off.  My parents always did.  I realized this injustice at about ten.  I told my parents how insanely ridiculous the holiday is.  I mean, I don't even care what the stupid holiday means, just so long as I get to sleep in half the day and then play N64 for the rest of the day.  Fine by me.  That, good people, should be the true tradition of Columbus Day.

Columbus Day...You can go hang out with Groundhog Day, St. Patrick's Day, and Flag Day.  You dork.

Speaking of holidays, Halloween is coming up, and I do love Halloween.  You get to dress up as your favorite whatever (but don't dress as Bob Dylan.  Nobody will know or care who you are), the weather is fantastic, there's apple cider (actually fall should be known as, "The Great Apple Massacre".  Apple can't catch a break.  He's smashed repeatedly; he's juiced; he's baked into pies.  That in and of itself is horrifying.  We shouldn't worry about the beef industry, think about your dear pal Apple.  Literally, he's mutalated.  How many apples you peal this week?  I knew it.  But you didn't care, because Apple can't speak.  Apple CAN'T speak.), and most of all...there's terrible 80's horror movies on TV.

Now, let it be known 90's will always be my favorite decade (Tied with the 1960's), but the 80's do have some of the most ridiculous horror movies ever, making them quite possibly the best.  Evil Dead II, Day of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead, Nightmare on Elm Street, Critters, Child's Play, Re-Animator...the list goes on.  These movies are absolutely fantastic to watch, and coincidentaly enough, my Windows Media Player is on shuffle and just happened to turn on the Gorrilaz song with the Day of the Dead sound byte at the beginning ("M1A1").

Well, thanks for spending your time on the blog.  Appreciate the visit.  You're always welcome, no matter your race or nationality or sex (I'm not like that punk Columbus). 

Have a great week.  Peel an apple and pop in Gremlins for me. 

Return of a Classic

Did I mention that I'm pretty excited about the RoboCop remake? Because I am.

For those of you who do not understand, I'll start from the beginning. In the late 1980's there was a little sci-fi movie called RoboCop. It was a gritty tale of a Detroit City cop getting (quite literally) blown to bits by thugs during a bust. His name is Alex J. Murphy, played by the famous Peter Weller (Known for such classics as Buckaroo Bonzai, Screamers, and Top of the World). And since Mr. Murphy was blasted to pieces, the OCP corporation decides to go through with their new project. They take the remains of Alex Murphy and give him robot prosthetics and a partial robot brain. He has lost his humanity, becoming almost entirely machine.

Almost.

See, although he's mostly a robot, he still remembers. He remembers his wife, his son. And more importantly, his assailant. And what he finds later is that the thug who killed him is also in with the lead owner of OCP. It's up to RoboCop to bring down the thugs and the corporation, with his sweet hand gun that fits conveniently into his robo-leg and his finely tuned sense of justice.

Now, with that riveting description typed down for your review, I will explain that as a child I loved RoboCop. The movie was far too violent for a child, so I never really watched the movie. I had action figures, and there was a TV series which came much later. Only in the last four years did I purchase and actually watch RoboCop in it's entirety. Best use of two hours.

As you may already know, there were many fine science fiction movies in the 1980's. There was Aliens with Sigourney Weaver, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, The Thing featuring the alpha man Kurt Russell (Did you know that they're remaking that? Preposterous), The Terminator, and handful of others. But nothing compares to RoboCop. Nothing.

How far along they are into this remake, I haven't a clue. I hope it's soon. After the sequels RoboCop 2 and RoboCop 3, and a few short lived TV shows, I believe that the name of RoboCop was ruined. The image, the franchise, was mocked and should have been sealed up tight and remembered for what was, and who RoboCop was, right there in 1987.

But RoboCop is being given another chance. Another chance to blow creeps away. Another chance to use his robo-wit, robo-reflexes, and robo-charm. José Padilha, don't fail me now.

That's it today. Seriously, I know. Next time I'll whip up something intellectual. Or you can send your topics via email at canyon.behind.her@gmail.com. I may or may not get to your topic, but since no one else will send one, yours will probably be chosen to be on Revenge of the Living Blog. I may even mention your name.

Also, you can follow me on the wonderful world of Twitter. Yes that's right. You can follow me @nehemiah810. If you do, you'll see topical tweets like:

"I wish everything could smell like this cake I'm eating."

"Not much for divination, but Phil prophesied about my future wife. She's in Portland and she might be asian."

"Just saw a Propel commercial with Cindy Crawford. Glad to see she's still getting work."

"Important announcement: Good Burger is on ABC Family. That is all."

"Made it through security. Security lady was impressed I have my SNES."

"I finally had that dream last night where I'm about to go on stage to play bass and I'm in my underwear. It was less awkward in the dream."

So follow me, and attain all the rich juice of my life. Because it's there. You just have to have a keen mind to really absorb it and appreciate it.

Alright. Seriously. I'm gone.